It's once again the middle of the night and I'm awake, bad dreams (more recently) usually wake me and my thoughts make me get out of bed. So, I find myself here again, with my Bible open next to me and I read the verse 'Watch over and care for this vine that you yourself have planted, this son you have raised for yourself.' Psalms 80 v 14,15 and I started to think that maybe I feel God is going to cop out on me in the end. I know this isn't true, but I honestly fear that, and I also fear that I'm going to cop out on Him. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes. Why I wake in the night and have bad fears that make my heart scared and my stomach sick, I don't know. It's like when you've had surgery and the pain is overwhelming so you take a painkiller and wait for it to kick in, but it seems to take forever and when it does, you can't understand why you thought it hurt so bad in the first place, until it happens again and you repeat the whole process, without the full memory of it happening before, only a shadow. But the painkillers are only a temporary relief, the pain only goes away completely when it's healed. So now my question stands at "What exactly has to heal?" It's probably something so simple as my faith, but that's like saying fruit juice tastes like fruit. What kind of fruit? What part of my faith is the problem?
And because I need to round up a nice little conclusion for myself, I will leave this to Time and Epiphanies. Thanks for the ear.
