Honestly, it has felt like longer since I've been here. I guess I just need time to download life.
Many events that are very exciting for me have happened, and most of the people who read this know them already. You know that stuff that makes life fun, but you could never really explain it when someone asks "what's new?" That stuff.
But I was very recently confronted with the reality that I need to stop, shut up and listen. I mean really listen. I get so selfish and caught up in MEL that I miss the signs of people I dearly love silently crying for help. A dear friend of mine was very honest about what was going on in their life and some of the fears that were being experienced and I saw that I was failing this person. Suddenly I felt such a deep pain and sympathy for them that I could do nothing else but cry for them and encourage them the best way I could. Feeble, but lovingly.
I think as a society we are so caught up in our gadgets and sparkly things that we don't realize we are just smiling and nodding and saying "oh it will be alright, you'll see". That is a bullshit way to live and I am very disgusted with myself for it. I look around and all I see are wonderful friends, beautiful people that have sacrificed more than I probably know for me. And I'm not worth it! Don't get me wrong, I'm not down on myself, I'm just stating a truth that I have come to realize and would like to see change. Ironically, in my art group tonight we were talking about C.S. Lewis' Screwtape letters and how revealing it is for a person to read it. You'd think C.S. was standing in the corner watching you and reading your thoughts for research. It's a hard book to swallow, but it's good in the end because we get to see the things that need changing in our lives if we are to function properly. And I have dropped the ball on my friends. I am so blessed with the friends God has granted me that I weep with thanksgiving - often. But I don't appreciate them to their face the way I do when I'm thanking God for them!
I could get philosophical right now, but I won't. I will simply state that I have had many friends in my life, they come and go, but they are my friends and I love them.
