It's Saturday night and once again I sit here alone. I really need friends my age to hang out with. I feel like I'm missing out on some rite of passage or something. And I thought maybe I would just go to bed early so I can get up early and finish a painting, but I just lay there. Thinking. Thinking about someone I like.
So I sit here telling all you people that could care less about my feelings. I mean it will never carry through, I know that, it never does. So why bother? Good question, can you answer it? Every part of me wants to just jump in and enjoy the ride and when I end up on the losing end, well, it will just be romantic then won't it? But it's all stupid, in the end.
Have you ever walked away and thought "what a stupid thing to do/say, what's wrong with me?" Believe it or not, I don't have a lot of things like that, that I regret, I expect to be somewhat goofy. Well, now I do. I feel like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing when she dances with Patrick Swayze for the first time, and when he leaves her she just dances by herself like a moron. (Jessica understands!).
And then I soak up any compliment he gives and I am left in this state of what just happened? That was my chance, where was I?
But the most interesting thing I discovered was that when I walk away from having talked to him and spend my day in my routine, he's always in my mind, back there, leaving me with that same lingering feeling that I get when I write a poem about my childhood. The slightly captured feeling of Saturday afternoon's sun long ago, like a memory that takes me back to a time when my heart was full and carefree. That feeling is how many of my poems get written. This is how he makes me feel, and I am in desire of that feeling all the time.
I know I'm foolish and I will never act upon this, too many times I act and find out the guy isn't interested, so I have vowed that the guy will have to like me enough to at least ask me out.
Guess I'll be here alone forever then, huh? Not very many guys in this town that are single, and I have no where to go.
But life really isn't that bad, I'm just a Drama Queen.
